Navigating human relationships can be a complex journey. One part of that journey that often gets overlooked is codependency. This is basically a dysfunctional relationship pattern where one person excessively relies on another for emotional support, self-worth, and validation while compromising their own needs and well-being.
Codependency goes beyond being overly reliant on someone; it can actually signal a deep, pervasive issue that has a big impact on both parties. Today we will talk about what codependency is, what its key characteristics are, how it affects relationships, and how codependency counseling can help.
Codependency: Defined
This unhealthy pattern of behavior involves one person excessively relying on another for emotional support, validation, or self-worth. However, codependency is much more than just being a people pleaser or a caretaker. It goes deeper than that, defined as a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person prioritizes the needs, feelings, and well-being of others over their own.
Sure, many relationships can be interdependent. In healthy relationships, both individuals look to the other for support and fulfillment. This can be done in an uplifting, mutually beneficial, balanced way. In direct contrast, though, codependent relationships are imbalanced, meaning one person sacrifices their own identity, needs, or desires to meet the needs of their partner. This behavior pattern can simmer for a while, only becoming evident when negative effects crop up.
What Are the Characteristics of Codependency?
Codependency manifests in many ways, but here’s a look at some common traits that are commonly associated with codependency:
- People-Pleasing Tendencies: A codependent person will go above and beyond to please others, even at the expense of their own well-being. This results in self-care neglect as their desire to be liked or accepted puts others’ needs ahead of their own.
- Difficulty Setting Boundaries: Codependent individuals can’t say “no.” As a result, they over-commit and overextend themselves, doing things for others or taking on emotional burdens they shouldn’t have to bear. When healthy boundaries are not set, others often take advantage of that individual, further perpetuating the cycle.
- Low Self-Esteem: Codependent individuals associate their value with how well they care for others or how much they feel needed by others. This external validation is their only source of self-esteem, resulting in feelings of inadequacy if their efforts are not well received.
- Fear of Abandonment: Many codependent individuals are driven by an intense fear of rejection or abandonment. This is why they go to great lengths to keep others close, even if it means tolerating unhealthy behaviors or ignoring their own needs.
- Emotional Dependency: Because they feel responsible for the happiness or emotions of their family member, partner, or friend, codependent individuals experience constant worrying or anxiety.
Codependency’s Effects on Relationships
The emotional, mental, and physical effects of codependency don’t just spell trouble for the individual expressing these tendencies; it can harm the relationship itself. Here is a look at the toll that codependency can have.
- Emotional: The emotional dependency on another person brings an instability in self-worth. When the other person is happy, the codependent person may also feel happy and secure. But as soon as their partner acts upset or distant, the codependent person starts to feel anxious and worthless.
- Mental: Codependency can be mentally draining due to the constant preoccupation with the other person’s emotional state. Because the codependent individual often feels the need to fix or manage the behaviors of others, that stress can quickly lead to mental fatigue. This cycle of self-sacrifice can result in anxiety and depression, leaving little room for personal growth and instilling a feeling of being trapped.
- Physical: The stress and anxiety in a codependent relationship can lead to physical symptoms such as headaches, sleep disturbances, high blood pressure, and gastrointestinal problems. Chronic stress also compromises the immune system, increasing the risk of illness. The codependent person may stop eating, neglect exercise or fail to get quality sleep, leading to physical depletion over time.
How to Break the Cycle
It can be difficult to break free from the cycle of codependency; however, with the right support and guidance, it can be done. Counseling for codependency is an effective way to help affected individuals not only recognize their unhealthy behaviors and establish new relationship dynamics, but to learn how to set boundaries and prioritize self-care.
The goal of codependency counseling is to boost self-esteem and build a stronger sense of self, while at the same time addressing underlying mental health concerns such as anxiety or depression.
Schedule a Consultation With CNLD Neuropsychology
Do you recognize the traits of codependency in yourself or your relationship? Reach out for professional help today. To learn more or schedule a consultation, contact CNLD Neuropsychology to get started.
